HI i’am 20 years old. I"am Pakistani. My parents are Muslim . They are so strict. They give me a curfue until like 6 pm every single day. They are like"You can’t go after dark" I can’t have any Amercain freinds. or freinds who smoke or drink. I lock the door in my bedroom , and my mom opens it with a screwdriver to see what i’am doing. Even if i do go somewhere, she’s like come back home and i’am having a heart attack. I don’t know what to do anymore. I started drinking a month ago and i came home drinking and my dad got so mad at me that he called cops to our house so they could do a alcohol test on me. But my dad said ..IF you want to drink, if you want to smoke, then get out of the house and never come back again and i never want to speak to youa gain. I mean i want to move out but then again if i do , its like they will disown me and if i don’t, then its like torture…Any Advice? Thanks
Thanks so much guys for the nice answers. They were all very nice. I gues i mihgt get a job and try to transwer to a unviersity and live in a dorm. I hope they don’t folow me there though. lol
All i’ve got to say is
MOVE OUT!!!
MOVEOUTMOVEOUTMOVE OUTTTTT!!!
Don’t let them trick you into living with them ANY longer!!!!!!
Find a job behind their backs, and then tell them that you’re going to work or whatever. YOU NEED TO MOVE OUT!!!
WORKWORKWORK your butt off, get a car, and drive away to an apartment!!!!!
Tell them before you work or move out or whatever. "I’m NOT like you guys… I want a life, you do not OWN me, i’m not a child, not a slave, not a pet…… I know this is VERY hard for you, but i NEED to move out…. and i’m sure God is fine with me leaving you guys.. if you don’t want me, when i finally feel successful and like i’m actually SOMEBODY, like YOU probably feel, then at least God’s protecting me, unlike you unforgiving obstacles of my life.
I’m grown, and i need to get a job, move out, marry a wife and have kids, and frankly, you embarrass me to do half of those things in your home, so i need to do the other half. I’m getting a job, whether you like it or not. And if you’re that shallow and bad of parents to kick me out unprepared for life (because in the past 20 years of my life, you STILL haven’t managed to prepare me for success out in the real world), then i guess i’ll have to fight on my own. I’m not a couch in your house, and i’m not staying here forever for you to not feel lonely with each other — that’s not my fault. Mother, get a life, quit spying on me, I love you, but you’re not being a kind, helpful, caring mother, who, like mother birds, are supposed to push their kids out into the world as soon as possible, and prepared. Father, you might be as inconsiderate as your parents were when you were younger, and you might TRY to be as strict as a king, but face it, you’re not, and i’m not perfect either, so please accept my imperfections — I love you, but that doesn’t mean i want to live with you forever. So I am asking you to help me achieve my goal, so that i can feel like i’ve accomplished something good and successful and mature in life. And i’m asking you both to not try to stand between me and my future, because with or without your help, i will make it, and you can either be helping me, or i can grow old with a sob story about how my parents were too soppy and lonely and too busy putting their fat old noses trying to watch my life like it’s a movie for their bored as$es to help me be anything but a bum.
Living away is what i want. Please, don’t try to come between that. And don’t become angry and be so shallow as to stop loving me just because i want a life/family/friends/home/children of my own. Plus if you kick me out, and i happen to actually make it really well, then i’d be about 99.9% more unlikely to ever talk, see, listen, trust, let you see my children (your grandchildren), meet my wife, speak your name, ever again.
Keep your Dream in mind. Not theirs. Theirs is you. Honey, you’re supposed to be on the train to your future, and frankly, if they’re not going to get on, DO NOT stay behind with them… you have to leave without them. Sorry, "truly living" is like that.
Tea Tree | Nov 22, 2008
take your act test go to college do so good and promise to help them or whatever when your done
or get one of your friends to marry you and divorce them later
whattalatta | Nov 22, 2008
Why can’t you move out and be on your own? I know there is a cultural difference here and I’m not completely clear on how Muslim families in Pakistan handle things. I would think that you should be able to move out and live your life. You can visit them regularly but have the freedom to do as you want. I also suggest you stop drinking. It doesn’t solve a damn thing and will only make the situation worse. I hope things get better for you.
grania_3 | Nov 22, 2008
Dude, Sounds like you probably should get a job & move out, Finish your education first of course..
It sound like your parents do love you But they are taking this way to far specially since you are an adult.
curfew until like 6 pm = thats like treating you like a child.
Opening the Door with a screw driver & Calling the cops on you because you were drinking= Thats just creepy
can’t have any American friends = Thats just plain racist.
Busta M | Nov 22, 2008
hi. I think you must look first on the main problem why they are like that to you. Are you stubborn to them? have you been bad these days?Drinking alcohol just made your problem worse. I think you should talk to them because you are the only one who can solve your problem. Tell them what you want ii a nice tone and try being sweet to them like giving them gifts etc maybe they will change their attitude towards you if not, just try your best to be nice to them without sacrificing your freedom. you can do chores for your mom or your dad. good luck.
I watz in coke | Nov 22, 2008
Omfg! Wtf man ! Wow. Um.. You need to talk to them, but you got to be your own lawyer. You gotta tell them you have rights and what not and make sure you can back up your story. What it seems to me is, they just want you to, eat, sh*t and sleep. That’s it. No social life or hobbys? COme on thats suicidal. If they’re that strict how the hell your gonna have a job, a very good job that makes you work till 8PM? Huhh? What will you do?
I dont know what to tell you, I can’t say stay with your friends because they don’t allow that. You need to just try and .. get out of there. Make something for yourself now, save up some money.. leave… They’re probably bluffing saying that they will disown you.
cex.info | Nov 22, 2008
You are a legal adult. It’s time to move out.
talondora | Nov 22, 2008
Seriously just tell one of your friends who have moved out and see if you can room with them for a while untill you get a job, and then pay them rent and then find someone to move out with. Don’t associate yourself with such negetive things.
may.face | Nov 22, 2008
hi im a white american believe it or not my parents raised me like this and it was hard. it is still hard bc i feel like im not fully socialized and i withdraw a lot. the only thing you can do is accept it. leanr how to enjoy books, nature, and other good things. it is tough though.
little rose | Nov 22, 2008
i know ur parents are strict, but its because ur drinking and that s not good..if u want them to trust u and give u more time to go out, then u must start acting responsibly…u should be happy ur parents are strict…i know it sounds awful for u rite now, but there r parents that actually neglect their children, dont pay for their schooling, dont take care of them at all. my father never took care of me and doesnt want anything to do with me….its good to have a family, a family u can depend on..afterall ur parents want ur safety…so what if u dont have american friends and u dont party, its all trouble anyway…
people get drunk, start abusing drugs and next thing u know u r in jail with a bunch of drunk friends that got u in trouble…stay away from trouble, be happy u have a concerning family that cares for u, even if they r nosy, u know thats part of ur culture, cause whatever bad u do reflects on them….u should stop drinking and rebelling , cause it wont help ur case…start being more mature and discuss it with them and im sure they will allow u to go out and come home late…
good luck!
prettyinpink i | Nov 22, 2008
It’s a tough situation and with your culture, I have had many friends who have said the same thing. You have to weigh it out though - what do you want from your life? You know things are unlikely to change if you stay with them, and your life is likely to be planned out by them.
You are old enough to make your own choice, just make sure you can live with it.
I am American, and so I say you should move out and learn on your own. It’s hard for me to understand, because I was raised with an abusive family, I know what it is like to be scared of your parents. My mother kicked me out and I lived with my aunt and uncle when I was 16 and I moved out on my own when I was 18. It is really very very difficult to say what to do.
However, I am now 27, I have a family, a wonderful husband, and education and I have to say I am thrilled at my choice. It isn’t easy sometimes and sometimes I wish I had the relationship with my parents that was a close one… but it comes to a point that it is my life. I have to live for myself and be happy. I am going to be here longer than they will. You know?
No one can tell you what to do, but you do have options. If you live with them the torture is because of them and you don’t have a chance at happiness… at least if you move, you have a chance at a better station in life and you can make your own choices and decide what is going to bring you peace and happiness.
If you choose to stay with them, you are going to have to learn to live by their rules. Drinking isn’t going to help you no matter what you decide, and TRUST ME smoking is a pain in the arse. I am a smoker and have been since I was 12… and I cant kick it to save my own life. Don’t turn to those options. Please for your own sake try to make healthy decisions for yourself - for your future.
That being said, I can say from my own experience that you need to make a choice based on thought and logic and have a plan. It would be unwise to move out or run away without a plan. Think about your choice and then make a plan… listen to your heart, you will know what to choose.
Tangerine | Nov 22, 2008
First of all I want to begin by saying….DAMN! "the coco" sure nailed everything right to the wall. It was long but hell it was pretty darn right and i like that coming from "the coco". After reading all that she has to write, what else am i supposed to say to you. I’m out of thoughts and words. But I do want to offer some kind of an advice if it’ll help any……
From the way it sounds, your parents are very, very overly STRICT!!!
Maybe too strict for any good to come out of it. They may mean good and all but all it really shed is sometimes the opposite affect. One thing i always learn is that the more parents are strict with their kids the more "rebellious" the kids only become, i don’t care what nationality or race you are. Sound a bit like your parents needs to wake up and smell the coffee. Nowaday, they gotta realize this is the new age and new generation and they need to let go of that "old school" ways of raising kids. Hell, you can only ingrained into kids so much stuff hoping that they’ll oneday heed all your teachings but that’s about all you can do. Kids nowaday needs a good social life with good friends, don’t matter if they are of a different ethnicity or not.
Just really, really take the time to seriously approach them and sincerely explain your feelings on all this and that you completely and 100% understand their intentions on being super strict and all but there will come a time when they’re just going to have to realize that you will eventually become a responsible and independent adult ( I say this only because they don’t treat you like one because in their eyes you are still a child) who will make mistakes and learn from those mistakes. What they fear most they will probably create because of the way they are towards you. Haven’t you ever heard of that before…when someone tells you that "what you fear most, you will create"? It is true…what they fear that you’ll do, you did. and now they’re gonna sit there and blame you for it. Every man for himself in this world, so be the real deal and carefully explain to your parents that "enough is enough". I believe you can do it because if not now, when?—Good luck!
chef rice n bean | Nov 22, 2008
Get the hell out of there.
You can do what ever the hell you want.
You don’t need to follow their orders.
This is America
I forgot my name | Nov 22, 2008
your parents are looking out for you. if you don’t want to obey them, you don’t need to run away, you can just tell them your moving out. if u do what you want later in life you will realize that your parents where only trying to protect you from being an addict so that you could make good and clear choices. what you do today decides your future. so do wisely. usually you plan to do bad for a wile but that while becomes longer then you expected.
Rafael G | Nov 22, 2008
